green lanterns says bright as day dark night no body shall escape my sight

The studio, the filmmakers and the actors are united on one thing about GREEN LANTERN: it's a family film. All cop to making sacrificial decisions to ensure that they were making, as star Ryan Reynolds declared to USA Today, "a superhero movie you could take the kids to, and we did that." Clearly, none of the filmmakers have kids.

Knowing the film's top priority was to make a family experience makes it all the more curious why we are introduced to Reynolds' character Hal Jordan in bed with a nameless woman who is just as undressed as Hal. He runs out on her and we cut to him driving while wrapping a present, his hands completely off the wheel. He almost gets into a car accident, but no one is hurt, there's no consequences and clearly, this is just a day in the life with Hal. We get it: Hal is irresponsible, selfish and reckless. Hal is also dashing and, despite his personality flaws, the coolest guy in his town. So, do kids get it?

The special effects are so cheesy and so far from what kids have come to expect from modern movies: it felt like a mash-up of 1980'S FLASH GORDON and THE DARK CRYSTAL. That helps keep away the scare factor but what's frightening are the film's two villains.

To start, there's the grand villain Parallax which looks like a graveyard dirt cloud with skeletal remains bubbling above the surface topped off with a beady-eyed face. Pretty freaky, not exactly pass-the-popcorn stuff.

More disturbing is the subvillain Hector Hammond who starts out looking like the kind of guy you tell your kids to not take candy from and winds up looking like a sweaty, yellow-eyed Elephant Man. Hector is a professor who we know doesn't like his life because he slumps and has a receding hairline. SPOILER ALERT: When his father tries to give him a career boost with an amazing opportunity, he repays him by incinerating him to death.

Are you buying tickets to take the kids to GREEN LANTERN yet?

On top of all of this, the movie is just AWFUL. It's just not good. And just because kids are young, doesn't mean they don't know quality. If I have to pick an age, I say ages 10 and up and if your kids don't scare easily, I'd recommend seeing it in 3D but really, I recommend skipping the film.