Transformers: Dark of the Moon is like being fed chocolate chips in the form of one of your favorite actors, while looking at op art and being strapped to a chair for Chinese water torture. Perhaps slightly better than the second one, T3 is still a movie that feels likes it's directed by the perverted, video-game addicted boys that every middle school has. Unlike other critics, I would not go as far to say this latest installment in the series is the best of all three. At least in the first movie, the first thing you see of the female lead wasn't her butt (this time only in underwear, not even short-shorts). But I'm relieved to find that the miniature autobot doesn't leg-hump Sam's newest girlfriend and that the parents aren't eating pot brownies.
The possessive treatment of women, not to mention other minor (but still disgusting) sexual jokes, was distracting to me. This, and the violence in the movie, raises an interesting point: the movie is being marketed to kids. The Transformers films are based on a series of kids toys and cartoons. However, they aren't made for the kids who play with those toys today. They're made for the kids stuck in adult bodies who grew up with the show.
I didn't mind the extreme violence, even though I know most parents don't want their little ones seeing films with the amount of violence Transformers 3 has. In fact, I rather enjoyed the action sequences in the movie, especially since the VFX was polished up and easier to follow. Do I want little boys to repeat the violent language and curse words? No. Do I know for a fact that they say things like this anyways? Yes. I grew up playing with the guys because the games the girls played were boring, and it was the G.I. Joe cartoons that we were basing our imaginary world off of. I've also volunteered to help out my after-school coaches, taking care and playing with little kids. Boys haven't changed.
Surprisingly, T3 also has more of an actual story than the other movies. I appreciate what they were trying to do with it, and the concept is quite interesting. As the title "Dark of the Moon", Transformers 3 is about the real truth behind our mission to the moon. The first 10 to 15 minutes of the movie are actually pretty cool. I swear, up until the end of the title sequence, I seriously thought this might be at the very least a movie I could sit through. Sadly, I was poorly mistaken. The pacing also made me want to just fall asleep at times. If anything, the voice of a particular autobot was what kept me awake and not thoroughly tortured (as it will for any Star Trek fan).
I think it's clear that I am definitely rating T3 an "Ick It", although it's highly recommended for the perverted, video-game addicted 13 year olds of the world who give other 13 year olds a bad name.